dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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