I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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