He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I understand Curling. That high.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
