too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
