So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
