Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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