So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
