I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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