can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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