I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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