R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
