You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
