walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize