How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
