Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
