Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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