Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize