why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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