Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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