oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
