if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
