who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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