eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
