ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
