Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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