Where is the hickey?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
