I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
