The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
BRING THE BAGELS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
