all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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