god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize