so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
