If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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