He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
