Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
