and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry about my life...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
