so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
