haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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