im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
