there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
