All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
