My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
