my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
jump out the window naked night went bad
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
