How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
