I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
