Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
