i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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