Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
