I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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