i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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