So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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