can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
