Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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