Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
