i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
