sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
