I bet he comes in French.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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